Updated: Sep 27, 2020
Do you ever compare yourself to someone who is thinner, prettier, or seems to have all their shi... together?
I remember sitting in the McDonald's parking lot when I was younger and bingeing on a Big Mac, large fry, apple pie, and Diet Coke. I had just fallen off of my diet aka healthy eating plan that day.
The disappointment, anger, frustration, and hatred I had for myself was so strong. It was all-consuming.
I told myself " Kim you are such a failure, a fat pig, a loser" and other terrible things I would never ever tell anyone else.
This same eating and pity party scenario played out in my life hundreds of times over my 35 years of trying to lose weight.
I actually gained weight; like 100 lbs ever since I started my first diet at 11 years old. If someone ( who loved me and cared about me) had knocked on my door in that McDonald's parking lot that night I was eating my feelings away and asked me " Kim what do you need right now?"
I would have said " to be accepted and feel I am enough"I was bullied and teased as a kid and I thought I needed to shrink my body to fit in and not be noticed. That was when my first diet started. I also turned to food for comfort.
That person who I really wanted to be knocking on my car window was me, my inner little girl, my inner knowing that I was really enough.
If I had listened to that inner voice at that moment, I would have saved myself 35 years of mental pain. The pain of hating myself, berating myself after I would weigh myself on the scale and not like the number. The pain of putting my life on hold until I was thin, the pain of isolating myself in my room because I thought no man would ever love this body, so why try and go out and try to meet someone. I could have actually graduated high school and attended my prom if I had not quit high school because I felt like I did not fit in.
I have finally learned our bodies are all different, and the weight gain I had before I started my first diet was normal for a girl going through puberty. Girls are meant to put on weight around puberty; it is a natural thing.
I have finally become more accepting of my size, my flaws, and my innate knowing that " I am enough."
It really started when I discovered Intuitive Eating a few years back. It has changed my life.
I am finally free of the constant pressure to shrink my body. I am free to enjoy real food in reasonable amounts and not feel out of control around delicious foods. Food is just food to me now, I never thought it was possible. It holds no power over me anymore. I am free. I am healthier than have ever been and happier too.
I became a health coach and a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor to help women like me. I want to help women avoid all the pain I went through.
If you ever feel that you are not sure what to eat and are sick of judging yourself by the scale, I am here to show you there is a better way to live.