I am being truthful here...
I have been putting off buying a bathing suit. I have a trip coming up to Florida and I need a suit.
I am waiting to the last possible minute.
First of all I hate how bathing suits feel and how they are just not flattering on me.
Don't even get me started on how it gross it feels pulling up a wet bathing suit on a wet body, UGH!!
And, personally I think whoever invented the bathing suit, should be killed, but hey, this is just my opinion.
What is the real reason I don't want to buy a bathing suit?
Because, I have put on a few pounds and I am not feeling as comfortable in my body as I did last year.
I know, I just need to get a bigger size bathing suit and call it a day.
After all, this is one of the 10 Intuitive Eating principles I guide women through in my coaching programs:
Respect your body.
But, I am living in a bigger body and I am guilty of comparing myself to the skinny women in bikinis like the one on the cover of this magazine.
I am not always 100% body positive for sure.
I am on my own body love journey and I always will be.
It is a continuing journey to love my body, despite everyone telling me that I need to lose weight to help my fibromyalgia, to prevent illnesses and to just fit in.
We are bombarded by all of these toxic messages every single damn day.
We are all vulnerable for sure.
I have seen what all of these messages have done to me:
Messed up my relationship with:
My zest for life
My self worth
and so much more.
I was always dieting to get that perfect bikini body, for like 36 years.
I would lose weight then gain it all back and hate myself for being so lazy and having no willpower.
My depression would be brought on by me failing diet after diet.
I isolated myself in my room as a teen and young adult, thinking no one would ever like me or date me because I was so overweight.
My whole freaking value as a human was based on how much I weighed.
What a bunch of bullshit!!!
How society tells us we are not pretty, smart or worthy enough until we become thin, what a mind fuc....
I wasted so much of my life waiting till I lost "the weight" to live my life and to show the world who I was.
My self-worth, my value as a human being and my inner beauty and outer beauty has nothing to do with the number on the scale.
It is so sad it took me so freaking long to realize this.
But, this is my journey and this is how it is.
I am getting so worked up writing this email, I am going to go and buy the most beautiful and flattering bathing suit right now and flaunt myself like I know how worthy and gorgeous I am inside and out.
If you are nervous about buying your summer bathing suit, it is ok.